You're not Broken Yet
by Mastouffe
Summary: You're really starting to hate being on this ship.


**AN:** Takes place before his meltdown on his birthday. I guess it's...an interpretation of mine!

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How long has it been since you've been stuck in this ship? How many days, weeks, months? Has it been years even? You're not sure, you've lost track a long time ago but you're starting to get desperate. You look up at the golden ceiling and sigh.

You're not sure how much you could take.

The things you've once enjoyed are starting to irritate you. Playing video games and even watching your favorite movies are starting to bore you and oh man even talking to Jade and Dave sprite aren't helping. In fact, Dave sprite has recently started to get on your nerves, always talking back to you and watching you turn red in the face with anger whenever he made fun of you. You often ignore his teasing and go back to whatever it is your doing but he never fails to make you spew out curses before stomping to your room and slamming the door. You wanted to leave them alone anyways, they always seem to be together now.

Sometimes you could hear Jade scolding Dave sprite outside.

And sometimes you wanted to punch him square in the face or let our your frustrations.

But none of that mattered. No, you just wanted this whole stupid three year trip to be over, you just wanted to meet Rose and the real Dave, you just wanted to meet Karkat, Vriska, and the rest of the trolls. But most of all, you just wanted to beat this stupid game and go back home, back to how everything used to be. Go out and play, do a few pranks, watch your dad bake cakes as you'd tell him about the adventures.

Dad.

You forgot about Dad.

No, actually you haven't. You never forgot about your dad. You never forgot how you saw him, limp, bloody, and pale with large wounds on his body and crimson red blood seeping from them. You didn't forget how you saw him dead next to Rose's mom and how Rose appeared dead next to you when you woke up, her gray skin against red. It was a perfect picture engraved into your mind.

But you did manage to push those images away as well as some thoughts that would haunt you. _This is your entire fault, all your fault he's dead, your fault your friends have died, your fault they're all in this mess. All because you insisted on playing this stupid game._

_John Egbert this is all your fault._

_No one else but yours._

God how you hated yourself right now.

The image of your Dad's dead corpse still haunts you the most and you mentally scold yourself; Why did you did you always fight with him, why did you always push away all those cakes he made especially for you, why didn't you appreciate what he did? He always wrote you small notes and every time he had something encouraging to say.

_I'm proud of you son._

The sudden sting in your eyes surprises you and _no, no, no, John Egbert you're turning fifteen tomorrow, you are not going to cry_. You swallow the lump in your throat you didn't notice you had before, and force yourself up from your bed. You stare at the comic books that were strewn across the floor and rub at your eyes before walking over to open the door and peer outside.

It was pitch black.

Jade, Dave sprite and the rest of their small companions must be asleep.

Sighing, you close the door again and walk to the bathroom, making a measly attempt at brushing your teeth. You should probably try getting some sleep, you think, since tomorrow will be just another day despite the fact that it's your birthday.

Any other time you'd be excited but not now. Right now you didn't care; right now you just wanted to sleep. Forget how excruciatingly boring it is being here, forget that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and forget how painful it is how much you missed Dad.

You kick off your shoes and drag yourself into bed, tracing patterns in the air with a finger and feeling the slight breeze around you.

_You need to stay optimistic John_, you remind yourself. _That's why Rose thinks you're a great leader, because you're optimistic! You can worry about all that other stuff later once the time comes. It'll be your birthday tomorrow so there's no time for that!_

You let out a small chuckle but you're not sure if it's from happiness or not. Whatever. You take off your glasses and set them up on the small table beside you before turning over and covering yourself with the bed sheets. You need your sleep and you wanted to rest. And hey…

Perhaps tomorrow won't be so bad.

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**AN:** Any critics or comments are welcomed!


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